National Survivors of Homicide Victims Awareness Month

Hey all! It’s good to see you again and I hope you’ve been kicking ass this holiday season (go see your therapist if it’s been the other way around). In this post, I’ll be focusing on the National Survivors of Homicide Victims Awareness Month, which runs from November 20 through December 20. This awareness month is a year-end declaration of commitment to recognize and bear witness to the unique, long-lasting trauma experienced by those whose lives have been catastrophically redefined by the homicide of a loved one. The title of this awareness month is a mouthful! And I prefer using the term “Homicide Survivor” to identify people who have lost a loved one to homicide. Homicide Survivors are a group of people I fiercely hold in my heart- This month’s post is for you!

A Brief History of the National Survivors of Homicide Victims Awareness Month

The United States formally designated December as the National Survivors of Homicide Victims Awareness Month in 1993. Advocates and Homicide Survivors own a deep recognition that the grief following a homicide is exceptionally complex, highly traumatic, and burdened by societal and systemic interactions. Furthermore, Homicide Survivors often face invasive and sensationalized media scrutiny, a profound and lingering sense of injustice, and violation that complicates traditional mourning. The awareness month was formed in response to advocates pressing local and national officials to dedicate resources to help Homicide Survivors cope with the profound trauma and the arduous recovery process following a homicide. 

Who Are Homicide Survivors? 

The damage caused by homicide stretches far beyond the life of the immediate victim; it creates “secondary victims”- an expansive circle of immediate family members, close friends, and community members left behind to process the trauma. These statistics represent real lives: parents mourning children, partners without partners, siblings grappling with trauma, children robbed of their parents, and friends whose futures were abruptly altered.

While national and local data often concentrate solely on homicide rates, it is critically important to understand and quantify the surviving population. Research consistently estimates that for every single homicide victim, a minimum of seven to ten close family members and friends are directly and profoundly affected by the loss and resulting trauma.

Help

Oft! “Help” to Homicide Survivors is like the 4-letter F-word to a person who doesn’t swear. That’s because Homicide Survivors can suck at asking for help, and people who have not been impacted by homicide can suck at showing up. What makes asking for help even more complicated is that there is no “playbook” for how to be a Homicide Survivor. There are no rules and very little guidance on what recovery looks like. Recovery is an organic, non-linear process. And most Homicide Survivors I know are writing their own playbook as they are living it out. 

That being said, people get stuck. Depending on which side of the story you’re on, here are some good basic starting points to get unstuck: 

If You Are a Homicide Survivor:

• Integrate Trauma: Homicide loss is a distinct, complex mix of acute trauma, legal burdens, and intense anger/injustice. Validate this emotional state and grant yourself permission for the full spectrum of feelings. 
• Set Your Own Pace: The justice system is slow and re-traumatizing. Recognize that your emotional healing timeline is separate from, and not dictated by, the judicial process.
• Seek Trauma-Informed Care: Seek professionals who specialize in trauma, PTSD, and traumatic grief. Understand your intense reactions (i.e. anxiety, hypervigilance) are normal, protective responses to horrific events.

• Establish Strong Boundaries: You have the right to limit or eliminate contact with media, intrusive people, or non-supportive individuals. Use the word “No” as a full and complete sentence. 
• Find Community: Connect with other Homicide Survivors (in-person or virtual) for profound, isolating-reducing understanding. Organizations like NOVA or local victim services can help.
• Gently Reintegrate Life: Healing allows joy and peace to exist alongside pain. Re-engage with small activities or routines that offer moments of normalcy or connection.

If You Are Supportive of a Homicide Survivor:

• Know that the essential role of a true ally is to provide non-judgmental presence, reliability, and fierce respect for the survivor’s pace and choices. Keep coming back to this point, even if you feel like you’re messing everything else up. 
• Listen to Validate: Actively listen and validate your Homicide Survivor’s experience (“That sounds agonizing”). Avoid minimizing platitudes, unsolicited advice, or seeking silver linings.
• Offer Tangible Help: Replace “Let me know if you need anything” with specific, actionable offers: “Can I bring dinner Tuesday, or do a grocery delivery?” “Can I run errands or do laundry this weekend?” “Would you like me to sit with you during court, or wait to drive you home?”
• Acknowledge Key Dates: Recognize the day of the homicide, birthdays, and holidays with a simple check-in (text, call, or card).
• Respect Your Homicide Survivor’s Stance: Fully support your Homicide Survivor’s choice, whether it is public advocacy or deep privacy. It’s their story, their pace, their power.
• Do Not Seek Details: Never ask invasive questions about the crime or perpetrator; this forces your Homicide Survivor to relive trauma.
• Do Not Judge Grief: Accept that traumatic loss means grief is a lifelong companion; there is no “moving on.”
• Do Not Impose Beliefs: Refrain from offering theological or spiritual interpretations unless you know your Homicide Survivor shares beliefs similar to yours. Focus on immediate, human comfort.

So there you have it! Something that’s been on my brain. To Homicide Survivors out there: Know that I see you and I’m rooting for you. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Resources

If you or someone you know is navigating life as a survivor of homicide, please recognize the courage required to reach out. If you are a Homicide Survivor, know you absolutely do not have to walk this intensely difficult path alone.

• Survivor Resources: (651)-266-5674 MN organization that offers support groups and assistance connecting to legal resources. 

• Minnesota Crime Victim Services: Links to vital local county-level victim services, information on crime victim compensation, and trauma-informed resources throughout Minnesota.

• MN Restorative Justice Programs: Restorative Justice recognizes that crime hurts everyone – those who have been harmed, those who have done harm, and the community. It creates opportunities for people who have caused harm to meet their obligations and make things right.